The Three Ages
Hip Toy Review
At a Glance
+ Three Tunnel Inserts
+ Dat ASS
+ Innovative Idea
+ Shockingly Easy to Clean
- Pricey for Newbies
This review contains uncensored language and images intended only for adults as well as affiliate links.
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What kind of experience am I really looking for? That’s the question that I recommend every onahole enjoyer to ask when looking for a new toy to buy. “Experience” in this context could mean a few things. Maybe you want a glorious blowjob by a tanned beauty. Maybe you’ve never tried anal and want to see how it would feel to rail into an impossibly tight ass. Thanks to Motsutoys, The Three Ages delivers an entire suite of experiences to enjoy all in one customizable hip-toy onahole package.
This onahole provided for review by Motsutoys/Onahole.com.“Apparition, what do you mean ‘customizable,’” I hear you ask. No, it’s not a made-to-order toy that you design online and order to specifications . . . although I would totally be here for something like that. What makes The Three Ages unique is that it’s a thick hip with a large area for one of three possible onahole inserts, each aimed at giving a different age experience – hence the name. Is it a gimmick, or is it a useful and convenient way to get 4 fun holes (absolutely, they included anal) in one larger package? It’s the latter, definitely the latter.
Huge shout-out to Motsutoys’ discreet packaging. This is a huge and heavy box, so it’s not easy to discretely bring it in amidst other packages for the day hiding in plain sight. Most other distributors also have discreet packaging, but this is a Motsutoys exclusive and they weren’t just drop-shipping someone else’s product. I’m glad they took the extra step. You can check out my full unboxing here.
The exterior is what you’d expect from a premium toy; anyone who has played with a TPE toy will be familiar with the texture. It’s pretty heavy, which to me is a good thing; that means I can be rough and have some real fun. While the large opening doesn’t have a lot of detail to it (pussy beautification is left to the inserts themselves), there is some attention given to the perineum and anus.
Putting an insert in is pretty simple. Each one has a slight concave form on the exterior to match the interior of the hip’s opening. It’s all pretty intuitive. Friction and shape keep it locked in place, and the “outer labia” opening provides good support. I’ve never once had a problem or even had to worry about it slipping out. This is an A+ in execution for me. I can imagine a project like this would be shot down by a lot of higher-up corporate types because, “it just won’t work,” or, “we can just make three separate ones, call them collectibles, and make more money.” Motsutoys took a risk on this project, but engineered the hell out of a great product.
The Age 18 tunnel is full of spirals and bumps that give a consistent stimulation the whole way through. She is the one I go for when I want to have a good long sexsion moving her around in various positions. She’s that perfect example of a for-your-pleasure twisting sensation.
Age 28 is where she really starts to show some skill. She’s gotten more experience and knows the perfect way to get me to finish for her. At 28, she takes pleasure in her ability to control me, and that is reflected in the large bumps in her tunnel. Those bumps are arranged in the perfect way to send my soul to wherever I go to next.
At 38, she’s had enough of playing around. She’s a subtle mix of the first two tunnels – a bit of twisting, and a bit of bumps. However, push in deep enough and you find the spot where she wants to be bred. I could practically feel her hands around the back of my neck with her warm breath on my ear asking me to fill her up.
Finally, her ass. It’s a good feeling. If you wanted to “accidentally slip it in” to the wrong hole, you’ll find it a tight kaleidoscopic maze of evolving textures as you push in.
A final note on the user-experience of The Three Ages, by God does she have grabbable cheeks. Through all the fake asses I’ve reviewed, she hands down has the best feeling ass to grip, push into, pound . . . so far. Technically, you can use the inserts as standalone masturbators. They are a bit on the soft flimsy side for my liking, but that’s not their intended purpose. And if you don’t put it in the hip, you can’t grip that ass while filling her to the base.
Cleaning is actually pretty easy. Hang on, I thought of a caveat. Removing the insert should be done carefully and slowly. Do not just yank it out. It will stretch. The outside of the insert will rip and wear. The inside of the hip will insert and wear. It’ll degrade quicker. Take your time and try to unstick it slowly on the inside. A wet hand will help. Once free, cleaning is simple. Clean the onahole insert as you normally would. You should still clean the hip as well, but with the man milk in the tunnel (which at this point should be out of the hip), it’s relatively simple to wipe down and maintain this pretty booty.
Onto my final recommendation. For $300, I would expect a premium toy delivering on all of its promises. It absolutely does, and more. I would find a hip toy with just one of the three age inserts permanently installed as a product a great deal for $100. So, times three? Math checks out to me. It’s tons of fun and a great value for the experience. If this is your first hip toy and it’s in your price range, you can’t go wrong. If you’re an experienced toy enjoyer and you want a fine addition to your collection, I strongly recommend The Three Ages.
