Sex Toys for Men Starter Guide
This is the place for anyone new to the sex toy scene to start their journey and get to know a base-level knowledge before diving into a purchase. If there is anything you think might go well in a page like this that I have not added, please let me know!
While I frequently refer to these as “male sex toys” in other places, please be aware that the items I talk about here are intended for any individual who has dangly fun-bits, regardless of how they identify.
Where to Start
So, you want to buy a sex toy. It’s a big world out there. How do you start? The first thing you should do is to set a budget for yourself. There is a wide range of experiences out there for you all at different price points. Sex toys definitely fall under the category of you get what you pay for. Set a budget and try to stick to it. Allow yourself a little bit of an upper buffer if you see something that really catches your attention that might be only $15 more. Do you have thousands of dollars burning through your pocket for the best fuck toy experience, then a full-size sex doll might be more your thing.
Next, you need to define the experience you want to have. Let’s say, for example, that your significant other isn’t interested in anal and that’s what led you to toys as an alternative experience. The experience you might be looking for is something taboo, tight at the front, and an ass-type orifice. That will help you filter your search when you go looking for your first toy on the different websites.
Is there a brand or a style you’ve heard a lot about and might want to try? Fleshlight is the entry point for many men; the brand name is as household as a men’s sex toy company can get. Or maybe you’ve heard a lot about onaholes and want to know how they’re different. Things like that will help you narrow down your sites.
Now that you’ve narrowed down your search and you’re actively looking at different toys, it’s time to ask yourself the most important question: Do you want to stick your dick in that? Does that look like something that would feel good wrapped around your cock? Why? What about it is the most appealing? Is it the orifice that’s shaped by your favorite actress, the canal with a deep finishing-chamber at the end, or the sheer weight of the soft material pressed against you?
Find something that intrigues you or something that calls to you. “I can’t get that, it’s too weird.” I’ve been there. But, if you keep going back to look at a toy, it might be exactly what you need.
Realistic Toys
A lot of people who start their journey in masturbation toys do so looking for “the most realistic toy.” I remember hearing the legend in my early years as a young adult about a toy where, once inside, one couldn’t tell the difference between it and a real vagina and how this toy was conveniently shaped like a flashlight so nobody would know you had it. While Fleshlight makes some really great stuff, I don’t believe any toy would ever give you the full penetrative experience you would get with a partner.
There are dozens of masturbators that feature the look of a particular actress. If that gets you going, then by all means, treat yourself! But don’t go in expecting the inside of the sleeve to be what she feels like on the inside. Looking at the cross-section of some, the corridor walls can look more like a 3D logic puzzle than something that would feel good wrapped around a dick.
Speaking of things that would feel good wrapped around a dick, that’s what I recommend you pay attention to instead of searching for the most “realistic” feel. These are toys, after all. They are here to offer you an experience. The best feeling you can have while shopping for your first toy is looking at a particular product and going, “man, I bet that would make my cock feel amazing.” Chase that feeling.
Small tangent. I never understood how people who claimed they couldn’t tell the difference would test a sex toy vs the real thing. How in the world could you objectively test that? Let’s say it’s a perfect world and you have a toy that is an exact cast of your partner both in the orifice and canal. You would have to heat up the toy to the perfect temperature, which can be done, but won’t stay at that temperature for long. If your partner is on top of you for this test, they would need to do their squat work exactly the same for both. Otherwise, you would be able to tell based on the shifting of weight, press of thighs against you, body positioning, etc. You could do that holding a toy in front of your partner’s crotch, but I feel like you could still tell off the positioning, you know? Like to be completely objective, you would need to lower your partner down onto you with a crane or something. This is all assuming that it goes in easily to both the toy and your partner the first time. You could use an assistant for a guiding hand for that, but let’s count the people needed to complete this task now: You, your partner, a crane operator, and a dick guide. That’s four people for a truly objective test. Also, you need to maintain an erection the whole time, so the dick guide might need to pull double duty on that. Alright . . . I kind of want to see this happen now . . . for science.
Suction
On to the topic of suction. Some toys advertise suction features. How does that work? Just for simplicity, I’ll break it down into “passive” and “active” suction.
Passive suction would be like how many Fleshlight and Tenga sex toys work. The design of the toy itself creates suction as it is used. Frequently this is done with an end cap that allows air to escape when thrusting into it. A vacuum is created as the user pulls out and the cap stays closed creating a feeling of suction on your dick.
Active suction is what I am calling anything that requires an electric charge. There are some sophisticated products out there like those from Zolo that create a feeling of suction by using any number of electronic means. I advise caution when shopping around for these. There are some that claim to create suction, but really just press down around you. While that can feel good, it’s not exactly suction. As with many things, you get what you pay for.
Which of the two do I prefer? They both work really well. The simplicity of passive suction belies its true effectiveness. It’s also hard to argue with the power of electricity. Honestly, it’s not one of the main things I look for in a toy; but I enjoy the sensation like sprinkles on top of an already great experience.
Tightness
As far as I know, there is no world-wide industry standard for defining how “tight” a masturbator or stroker is. Tightness can be some function of material, internal shape and size, suction, and any other factor that might pertain to that particular toy. Some manufacturers provide an orifice diameter, but that is usually not indicative of the size of the interior.
If you want to know what “the tightest Fleshlight” is or “the tightest sex toys for men” are, there are many others online who can help – albeit with varying degrees of agreement.
For the Bad Dragon adventurers, there is a tightness comparison chart that Reddit user Grandscheam created specifically for their products.
Is tighter always better? It depends on the experience that you want. I do love a tight hole to thrust into, but it’s not the only thing there is to enjoy about masturbators. There are a lot of other things that I consider when choosing a new sex toy experience.
Onahole Factors
Japan’s onaholes have a system that requires a whole subsection to talk about here. Many onahole manufacturers follow this system and help users get a grip (heh) of the sensory experience before buying. If only this system was adopted worldwide.
- Hard vs Soft – This will tell you how much the toy will stretch. The softer the onahole, the more it will be able to be “pushed to the limit” if you find it not quite reaching your base otherwise.
- Sensitivity – How much a material gives or retains its shape when pressed or stretched. A very sensitive onahole will give you much more sensation and you will likely finish much sooner. That doesn’t mean that low sensitivity is bad and has no sensation. Sometimes you might want something you can enjoy for a while in one session.
- Tight vs Loose – For this metric, manufacturers compare the size of the onahole to the size of the average user. Although they use the term “tight” and “loose,” this includes all dimensions. Sometimes an onahole that is tight may just be very small. Be sure to check the product dimensions.
Close Ended vs Open Ended
Close ended toys are those where the canal that you enter has either a cap or a dead end. This can be for suction purposes or for the feeling of finishing deep inside someone as you press all the way inside. The trade off is it can be a bit difficult to clean and dry if you’re new to the game.
Open ended toys don’t have this. The canal is open all the way out the back. It provides a different sensation and is way easier to clean.
There are a unique set of toys – mostly full hip onaholes from my searching – that are in a way, both. You get both ass and pussy openings in the toy, but the ends meet at a curve. Technically it’s open, but you don’t get a gout of goo flying out the other end as you finish . . . unless you have some serious pressure built up. If that’s the case, go to either a doctor or Guinness World Records. You can choose which.
Materials
- TPE – Stands for thermoplastic elastomer. Most masturbators are made with this. It is soft, flexible, and easy to make into a fuck toy. The catch is that because we don’t know which rubbers or plastics are used by any given manufacturer, the material used in any particular toy may or may not be made with non-body safe materials. To be fair, incidents are few and far between. It is less likely to cause allergies like with latex. There is a standard for medical use TPE that some sex toy manufacturers use, but without that there is no absolute guarantee that the toy wasn’t made using toxic materials. As always, take proper care of your toys, wash them before use, and you should be fine.
- Silicone – Much harder of a material than TPE and found in more expensive toys. Their durability and more realistic feel make them more of a rare premium.
- Other – Some sex toy manufacturers, like Fleshlight, use proprietary materials. Check their documentation online for more details.
Common Terms
- BD – Bad Dragon brand
- Canal – This is the interior design of the toy; the walls that grab your dick as you thrust into your toy. The canal is a big part of what provides the sensation. Often, the design of the canal is the unique part of the toy.
- FL – Fleshlight brand
- Lube – Water-based lubricant that you should be using every single time.
- Masturbator – Sometimes used as a catchall term for any toy that helps get a dick off. More often the term for the specific type of sex toy that is intended to provide you with an all-encompassing experience around your dick.
- Onahole – Translated from Japanese, it means “masturbation hole.” Basically, this is any male sex toy that comes from Japan. Depending on the context the term can extend to more complex toys like full hip toys.
- Orifice – The front-facing side of the toy and actual hole opening where you stick your dick into. It can be just a hole, or it can have a unique design for stimulation and visual interest. The most common orifices are mouth, pussy, or ass.
- Sleeve – Some brands use a case and a sleeve as a combination for their toys. A sleeve is the soft part of the toy that you actually fuck. You can take it out of the case after use for cleaning and drying. Many different sleeves may fit one case so you only need one case for many different experiences.
- Stroker – The little brothers of masturbators, these are often smaller and simpler in design. These typically travel “up and down” your shaft to provide the sensation rather than you going “in and out.”